Yeah, I know. It's been a while. But I've been busy with things that actually directly result in my survival. Like working, which has now become the "working a lot more for a lot less" show, starring myself and my bright a shiny hopes for a spinoff entitled "Chris took a risk that really worked out for all involved." But for those of you that are following along on my wild ride let me itemize some things, certain allotments if you will, that employed people are able to enjoy due to earning a solid weekly paycheck, as opposed to the upstart entrepreneurial substitution, which yours truly is currently enduring the initial "hardships" of.
The Working Man The Working for Himself, Man
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| Eats Steak. |
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| Eats whatever the hell this is. |
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| Takes public transportation |
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| Drives their car places |
And other things I could find funny pictures for but don't feel like. (Besides, is any picture REALLY going to top Public Transportation's?)
Anyway, the point is: there are a few life changes that had to be made in order to continue on this paycheckless (for now) path. But that's neither here nor there, I have some catching up to do.
So I am a week into my "freedom from the corporate grind" campaign to champagne or bust. And for those of you just joining us, this blog is really a scope through which to view "the game" all businessmen must play in order to win the rat race, and should serve as an inside look and chronicle on my wild ass journey into fame and fortune...or panhandling across America.
Stand back, I'm going to try recapping!
Wednesday was fun
No it wasn't. Wednesday was the day that millions of innocent schedules were assassinated by the city. It started with a time limit: I had a meeting at the (soon to be) ex job, a meeting I had to push back to later in the day because I KNEW the city would be out to get me. So I built in an extra two hour buffer. That's enough, right? WRONG. It was about 9,000 degrees and we hit traffic, lots of it. In fact, the Henry Hudson Parkway was just Henry Hudson Parking. We jumped on it and immediately cruised to zero miles an hour as a wall of cars straight out of some Michael Bay disaster flick blocked us from any forward progress.
I've never seen cars hop curbs and go backwards up on-ramps to get off of a highway before. It was bedlam, like being on the Vehicular Titanic. People just panicking and jumping over curbs and medians and murbs and whatever they could jump to find the nearest open roadway.The entire parkway was shut down. I can only imagine that a meteor made of live dinosaurs collided with the earth and awoke a dormant dragon of some sort under the Henry Hudson Parkway. That is the only thing I can fathom happening to shut down the entire parkway. Needless to say we were late to our client appointments, and I had to rush to be two hours late to the meeting I had pushed back two hours. I guess they felt firing me would be redundant at this point.
I've never seen cars hop curbs and go backwards up on-ramps to get off of a highway before. It was bedlam, like being on the Vehicular Titanic. People just panicking and jumping over curbs and medians and murbs and whatever they could jump to find the nearest open roadway.The entire parkway was shut down. I can only imagine that a meteor made of live dinosaurs collided with the earth and awoke a dormant dragon of some sort under the Henry Hudson Parkway. That is the only thing I can fathom happening to shut down the entire parkway. Needless to say we were late to our client appointments, and I had to rush to be two hours late to the meeting I had pushed back two hours. I guess they felt firing me would be redundant at this point.
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| One of my theories as to what caused the Henry Hudson Parkway closing |
Thursday was full of...
Nothing I can remember worth mentioning.
Friday brings our final goodbyes...
Let me tell you: Friday was the most underwhelming final day of employment I've ever had. Don't get me wrong, it was fine by all means. I just envisioned it a little differently. I feel most of us would agree that we picture a long-standing relationship ending with a little Hollywood flair.
The Chris Musto vision of Friday:
I burst through the doors to ticker tap being power washed into my face by midgets wearing zebra costumes from inside of a wedding-sized going-away cake. Everyone is clapping and I'm acknowledging. I get to my desk and sit down, some people stroll through bringing me cards and various cakes and pies. I make it through my day giving hugs to various, tearful coworkers, reminiscing about the past. In the end there is a grand Mystery Alaska-esque finale where I give a heartfelt soliloquy that everyone stands silent after, then one, unknown man starts a slow clap that soon contagiously erupts into thunderous applause. Then I give some wonderful one-liner like "Remember to eat your Wheaties, because you're all Champions to me." Wink. Then ride off into the sunset as thousands of Wheaties fall from the rafters like confetti and everyone is cheering and confused, but cheering because everyone else is cheering next to them, and no one wants to be the one that doesn't cheer.
Reality Friday:
"Hey man, so this is it, huh, last day?"
"Yeah man, kind of nervous and excited, I have to admit."
"Do you know if the fax blasts went out?"
It was just a normal-ass Friday. I wrote some "sentimental" emails to some people I cared about (which really amount to professional yearbook signings), some preachy emails to newcomers (which in their position, I probably would have deleted them and carried on living my life), and then said goodbye to people as they walked past my cubicle. I was the last one to leave my department. I didn't even get an escort (security, gutter minds) or anything. I was perplexed.
After work we went to a bar where some good friends and a few coworkers who decided to ride it out for some alcohol joined in a good-bye dinner. Overall it was nice to have my support network there, and even some potential business contacts showed up. So it was a great cap to a great run. And really as soon as I exited the restaurant, I was focused. Focused not on the week ahead of me and the true beginning of my journey, but on the immense amount of alcohol I consumed and how when it's raining hard and you're walking outside, you can't tell if it's the rain, or you're wetting yourself. Always very nerve-wracking. But after I sobered up a bit I was truly focused. I put it all behind me immediately and turned the page because then...it was on. Sink or swim time newbie, welcome to the deep end.
Final Week Stats:
Total Days Employed by the Now Ex-Job - 1,062
Total cars stranded on Henry Hudson Highway - All of New York
Total times LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem" was played on the radio - 9,743
Different Train Stations gone to - 6
Times solicited by urine-scented homeless - 2
Times I said "I can get a good look at a T-Bone by sticking my head up a butcher's ass..." - 1
Times New Roman - 1
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