Crystal Meth > Sleep

Days left at the old job: 8


Wednesday night/Thursday morning - 2am...

"Hey man, what about this *I doze off* ngghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..................."

*I snap awake* "............contract. Right?"

"Yeah, I think it's awesome."

I don't know why I do that -- act like I'm actually awake when my body is clearly shutting down. It's like some strange phenomenon where I get very defensive over passing out. Like I have something to prove. "WHAT, I WASN'T FALLING ASLEEP, BRO. I LISTENED TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID AND WILL GIVE YOU A RESPONSE BASED ON NO SUCCESSFULLY PROCESSED INFORMATION." 

A word on "Right:" "Right" is a buzz word. In the Bullshitters Bible Appendix, a "buzz word" is a word used to trigger a response. If someone says "Right?" it generally means they are fairly confident in their answer and are just looking for a little reassurance, so it is safe to agree. 

In any case, whether my dear step brother Eliatt (who has also become a client) desperately needs me to stay up and help him write a business plan, or Odin himself comes riding down on a phoenix to jam lightning bolts firmly into my unwilling rectum, my body is closed for business. As much as you want to, there's no stopping it. Like Ryan Reynolds' career.

Sleepy time...

So it turns out if you are tired, your body will eventually need to catch up on sleep: whether you like it or not. I know this because my alarm went off, and I kept sleeping.

Alarm went: "Hey man, don't you have something to do today?"
Body went: "Yeah, telling you to shut your whore mouth."

This process went on until 10:11am. Not 9:11am. 10:11am. For those of you keeping score at home, that's just waking up more than an hour after you're supposed to be at work.The effects of this entrepreneurial lifestyle are really starting to show. I'm pissed because 10:11am is pretty obscenely late, even for me. I'm all about banker's hours and not adhering to the corporate 9-5, but in the end I am looking to not be an asshole.

Most would think "Who cares? You're quitting." But let's get one thing straight:

I aim to be the best at everything I do. Even if it's quitting.

I kicked my brother who's asleep on the couch. And we headed to work so I can pickup my car which has now been sitting in Syosset for two days. I traipse (the definitions of this word could not be more opposite) through the door at 11:00am. One hour before lunch. (My excuse is that I don't give excuses). And not five minutes after I sit down at the (soon to be) ex-desk, I get a call from an unknown number on the cell phone:

"Mr. Musto! It's your best client."
"How many numbers do you have?"
"Enough to confuse you! Listen, I need you to cover an event for us on Sunday. We're going to be featuring our product in a parade in the city. you need to be there. And also, we need to figure out a Yelp and Foursquare campaign. Also I want to know your thoughts on plugging a couple of events out on the Island for another initiative. I sent you over that contact number yesterday, what progress were you able to make on it, anything? And I definitely want to know your thoughts about maybe making two separate Facebook pages for one of my companies. Also--


Yeah, I'm cross-eyed at this point.

"--OK, I definitely can and will accomplish ALL of those things for you. But I need you to do me a favor and email them to me. I know that you know as well as I do I can promise the world over the phone, but as soon as I'm off, it's gone."
"No problem, no problem, I'll get everything to you."
"Great stuff, thanks."
"Oh, and Chris?"
"Yessir."
"Red or blue?"
"I'm not understanding."
"For your yacht when you make me millions and we're rolling in it. Red or blue."
"I've always been a fan of red myself."

I came back to my desk and plopped back down trying to shake off the aneurysm of information shot at me. And I'm hit with an email alert from my (soon to be) ex boss.

"Exit summary"


Click that.

Chris,


Here is a really long list of shit that you need to address before you leave.

From here embarked a dizzying montage of hoop-jumping and smoke and mirrors the likes of which would force Sigfried and Roy to shit out one of their tigers, just to bump up their act a few notches and keep pace. The ability to prioritize, multitask, and keep people at bay while making them think they are the first on your list is an artform that I have mastered. I won't lie and say when you take on more stuff than you can handle, things won't fall through the cracks, they will. But when it comes to handling a large load (that's what she said) successfully? "People Skills" is so far at the top of the "Let's Get Through This" list, that it's in some galaxy scientists can only speculate on.

And when you're tired and need to accomplish all of this, you know what always helps me? My good friend, coffee.You see, I was never big into needing "mind altering" substances to function. Sure, I drink alcohol, but that's more because I can't cope with how shitty reality is than actually needing it to function.

However, and this especially goes for lately; I've discovered coffee. Like a preteen pubescent boy that figures out "hey, that thing down there does more than pee!" I am plunging headlong into this bright and colorful world of coffee and coffee related products. My mornings now looks something like this:


Me before coffee:

Me during coffee:

Me after coffee:

Ok, I don't actually turn into a super happy cartoon baby octopus, but I'm demonstrating a point: that I now know how to use pictures and movies in a blog. Which makes this adventure that much more exciting.

Next up: Myself and Phil cover our first event, and one of us loses a possession to mermaid belly dancers. (I'm not talking about a V card).


Daily Stats:
Cups of coffee consumed - 5

Eliatts kicked - 1
Time spent looking up Popeye Spinach Song - 13 hours 51 minutes
Times I listened to my entire playlist on loop - 4
Items not worth writing about - 7